OH: First Dates

Pedophile at the coffee shop.

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 14:05:34 -0400

I work at a coffee shop, and so I have seen my fair share of awkward dates. But this one the best/awfullest ever.

In walks a sweet, 16 year old girl. She told me she was here meeting a guy she had met on Myspace. All dressed up, very excited. And then in he walks.

I knew him right away, because he happens to be one of our regulars. He also happens to be in his upper 40’s. He has a 20 year old son. Apparently, his myspace does not have a picture, and lists his age as 999,999,999. The poor girl, when she realized that he was her date, well, she looked like she was trapped in a corner.

He asked her how old she was, and when she answered with her meek little, “sixteen,” He laughed and said “How sweet!” The conversation continued, with him asking her questions, and her getting more and more uncomfortable with each one. After about a half hour of this interrogation, he got up to use the restroom, but not before saying how she should come on over to see his movie collection. As soon as he was through the doors, I went over to her, as politely as I could, and said, “You can leave and he won’t see you. I’ll tell him you got a phone call and had to leave.” She looked so relieved, and practically ran out of the store. And upon his return, he looked disappointed, but just walked out, like it had happened before. I wouldn’t be surprised.

"Oooohhh, I saw a bad one there a few weeks ago. The guy talked. And talked. And talked. And the poor..."

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 17:35:37 -0400

“Oooohhh, I saw a bad one there a few weeks ago. The guy talked. And talked. And talked. And the poor girl he was with just kept politely uh-huh-ing. I wished I had a fake emergency phone call I could free her with.”

- TV

Jerry Springer

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 17:35:01 -0400

I overhear the strangest conversations at the coffee house. Most of them involve first dates. I pray that if I ever have a first date here, it’s not full of stories about age-lies, ex-baby-momma-drama, or recent visits to the psych ward.

"He just said he is “41 going on 25” because men take longer to develop mentally"

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 17:34:01 -0400

“He just said he is “41 going on 25” because men take longer to develop mentally”

- http://twitter.com/#!/robertlancaster/status/115888853121904640